pissed off

Where will I be a year and a half from now? For almost three years, I've been stucked in a place where I can see nothing but blurry images of my past and unclear visions of the future. I still do not know when will I move on and proceed to the next step. I'm still attached to a past which pulled me backward. I'm confused. I can't move on because I know nothing is to look up to in the future. there is nothing to look forward becuse I was born with nothing at all.

Today is the day of my life that I feared of. I feared that I will lose hope. Feared that I will pity myself. I don't want to call myself stupid or whatever. I only knew that perhaps, this is still stage in my life where I want to discover who I want to be and what I want to be.

Today, I feel like commiting suicide, but I'm afraid that life will get worse in the second life. Today, can't concentrate on my life. I'm sooccupied with so many things in life. Academic pressures and all. I'm pissed off with helping other people and being kind to them. I want to be rude this time. Be selfish, greedy and think nothing but my, myself and I.

This is a bullshit life. I'm the most unfortunate creature on earth. I don't what I'm doing. I don't know.

Who said that graduating with honors completes a good education. Bull shit!
That is not true.

So long. Good bye scholarship, goodbye to all....