when it rains, it pours

It rained again last night and I love it. It rained again and it reminds me of how the rain brought me to where i am today. I love coldness of te rain, its dark, morbid. I love it when the rains drops on the pavements and people start to stay under the shades. I love it because the rain witnesses how I grow up and become a person who i want to be.

Nineteen years ago, on the 29th of September, it rained. It was a heavy rain, very heavy that the water goes gutter deep. That was the day when I was born. Five years later, it rained again. I hurt myself and I bathed myself with blood; I accidentally slashed my right hand in an open glass window where my mom used to left me. It rained so hard as my bleeding goes severe. When I was seven, the same thing happened. It rained. And it was my first day in school. I was not sent to kindergarten because I was inflected with polio at very young age.Fortunately, it did not reach to the level where i had to be brought to the hospital. My mom used to tell me that i had a hard time talking and even walking. I learned to speak utter words when i was already four. My parents were so problematic then. My dad gamble a lot. And my mom has to stay home without a nanny to take care of me and my four other siblings. Everytime my mom and dad would thorw plates and other kitchen utensils to each other, it rains. I stayed in my sisters room and phope that the rain will come.When I was in grade school, that was March. It rained. That was the first time that I received my ribbon for topping the class despite the absences that I made.

Last night, the rain reminded me of teenage fears loosing someone special. Someone I can't live without. For the most part, the rain is the sole witness of how i grew up to be what i am now. I've passed through the strongest blows in life--and i was able to surpass those. The rain reminds me of the happy and good memories for the 19 years in my life. Most of all it renminds me of the people who almost killed me for the bad feelings that they gave to me. It reminds me of the people who steped down on me and put me down. It also reminds me of the most important person in my life other than my parents.

Today, its raining. I got a new umbrella. And today, the rain witness how i swear to not to fall in love again of the same person who hurt me badlly. Today, I made the firmest decision in my life.--to go over with him. I know i'm repeating this all the time, i will always do until such time that it becomes a routine and i can no longer think that he was part of me.